The Happy Acres Haunted Hotel for Active Seniors
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Janice raced over as fast as her walker would allow. It had rollers on it, so, all things considered, it was pretty fast. “New meat!” she said in a stage whisper. “Being checked in right now. He looks somewhere in his sixties, so a young one!”

“Young being a relative term.”

Janice giggled. “True enough. He’s not young enough for you, Mattie, but still, he’s a hottie.”

The rest of us looked at each other. “I’m willing to pass judgment,” Trudy said. “Purely in the interests of science, of course.” The rest of the girls and Joseph who, being of the gay persuasion, chose to hang with, as he put it, his side of the house, all nodded in support of the idea that we go check out the new guy.

“Works for me. Let’s go see how he stacks up to Hunkman.”

Betsy, who wasn’t really in our group but somehow felt that if we were doing something she was automatically invited by dint of her being a nosy pain in the butt, sniffed. “His name, Mattie, is Helkman.”

“Whatever, Bets.” Hunkman’s given name was actually Jason Helkman, but since he was as fine a specimen of manhood as I’d ever seen – and I’d seen a lot – I’d christened him Hunkman when he’d come to work at our Happy Acres Senior Living Hotel. Shocking only Betsy, he didn’t mind the nickname.

Joseph rolled his eyes then sighed. “What are the odds the new one’s playing for my side of the team?”

“Couldn’t tell,” Janice said. “He’s well dressed and groomed, so your odds are better than average.”

“A man can dream,” Joseph said hopefully.

We made our way from the Sun Terrace into the Main Lobby. This made it sound a lot more attractive than the Home actually was. It was a big, blocky T-shaped building with five stories going up and two going down. Conveniently, we had our own morgue in the basement level. Not because we were all that close to death, but because this place was a converted hospital.

New arrivals were always greeted with interest and as we passed other residents, they joined us. By the time we reached the Main Lobby we had quite the mob formed. If our new arrival had a weak heart he wasn’t going to last long here anyway, so might as well scare the crap out of him now and get it over with.

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